Tag Archives: comedy

SUPPORT MENTAL ILLNESS – BEFRIEND A SCHIZOPHRENIC – a.k.a Schizofrendlia

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SUPPORT MENTAL ILLNESS

The Mental Health charity P.I.M.P. (Protecting Individuals with Mulitple Personalities) today unleashed its latest campaign to try & help blow away the stigma of mental illness, banish fear of madness from society & generally give the nutters a voice other than the usual mumbling to themselves sat behind you on the bus.

Charity co-ordinator Brian Damage spoke to the Daily Shite about his hopes for the sucess of the campaign, outlining the hard work put in by his workforce of diligent volunteers, and the importance of timing this high profile project just before government funding is allocated to them. We also got the feeling he had quite a bit of make-up on for the accompanying photoshoot.

Outlining the advantages of Befriending A Schizophrenic, Mr Damage listed some of the following plus points which he hopes will spur people into joining up, buying an overpriced badge, donating generously to his website & generally mithering the shit out of their mates to sign up on Facebook so they look like concerned citizens.

“People are scared of intelligence. And dogs. And unpredictability. Imagine someone who is all these things, very intelligent, massively irrational & unpredictable, and probably barks like a dog at full moons. Times that by 5, all happening in one head, and its no wonder schizophrenics get such a bad press. It doesn’t help when they slaughter their care worker because she is stealing their thoughts with her oversized fake Louis Vuitton handbag which must obviously contain covert scientific brain equipment. Well, I’m here to paint a brighter, less judgemental, (no pun intended, well, a little one) picture of the crazy people who dwell amongst the rest of us normal folk.

​”A schizophrenic is a friend for life, their dedication knows no bounds. They will think nothing of ringing you at 4.30am to tell you how much they love you, and could they nip over & borrow half a roll of tinfoil til giro day.

​”A schizophrenic friend will save you a fortune! Party invites? 5 guests, 1 gift! You dont even have to risk mingling them with your normal friends, they’ll be more than happy in the kitchen explaining metaphysics to the plastic canary

​​”A schizophrenic friend can even be the buffer for your darker days. Ring them up, shout, swear & unload all your crap on them, then next time you meet (in a busy, public place obviously), deny everything and suggest they go back to their shrink because their medication might be too weak

SUPPORT MENTAL ILLNESS IN YOUR AREA

​”All in all, I would urge anyone, everyone, big, small, young, old, man, woman or thai bride to join the campaign, we have a very advanced website where you can bid for the ‘Schizofriend.com’ (trademark pending) of your choice based on sex, age, location & potential danger level. We accept Paypal, as long as you accept Madpal. Spread the word, its the 21st century, and as my great great grandma Crazy Irene used to say to me ‘You never know when you might need a psycho to save your life’. After her husband throttled her to death because his tea was too warm, those words seemed a little less wise, BUT, they always stuck with me & have become the soundbite of our campaign. Right, should I go & get changed for the photos?”

Whose Joke Is It Anyway? by Bury Bob

Snood's a Dude DON’T FORGET TO LIKE US ON BOB’S FACEBOOK PAGE.

IT REALLY IS NICE TO KNOW YOU LIKE  WHAT WE ARE PUTTING UP.

 Last month I wrote a witty one-liner; it referenced a high profile news story at the time and was unique. I told a couple of my friends who thought it was really funny, so I posted it on Twitter. 4 days later, whilst watching a very popular comedy news programme on mainstream television, I saw my joke being repeated verbatim by a well known comedian. Was I seething? Was I flying to my laptop to track down this disgraceful rapscallions’ website so I could harangue him mercilessly? Was I contacting my shady friends from the local underworld so they could go around, have a quiet word & get my joke back for me? Erm, no. I sat for a moment, sipped my tea gently, like a guru from the Orient (not Leyton) with all the mystical calm that comes with deep understanding, and smiled to myself. In my mind, I was certain of something. Whether or not my original joke had been ‘utilized’ (plagiarised is such an accusatory and tasteless word) or the comedian in question had merely arrived at the same cerebral place as I independently, it meant that the humour that was emitting from my weird and sometimes wonderful, sometimes ‘blunderful’ brain was deemed fit for the masses.With the advent of the internet, digital time stamping, intellectual property and the like, many people have become more than a little obsessed with who wrote what first. As if it was a crime for somebody to come up with the same idea at a later date. I pride myself on trying to be original, surreal, fresh & inventive when it comes to writing comedy. Jokes – especially one-liners – have been something I decided to try my hand at recently. I penned over 250 jokes in 2 months on a famous website, only to find that 15 were deemed duplicates that had previously appeared there. The tenet ‘great minds think alike’ or ‘idiocy loves company’ sprang to my surprised mind. I remember the furore over Bill Hicks’ material being ripped off by Dennis Leary, who has gone on to make a very successful career. Hicks is remembered fondly for his originality and style, and yes, it appears Leary copied a good part of his act for a while. Hicks died 17 years ago, Leary is now a popular movie figure, seemingly continuing to be successful after his main source of material had passed on.I reserve judgement, but it portrays a strange change in the lifespan of a joke. When I was a teenager in the early 1980s, all jokes were heard in the playground, the pub, at the match or in the young offenders unit. You heard a good one, you passed it on. Many originated in the comedy club scene: Bernard Manning, Chubby Brown, Jimmy Jones etc. or from television, Ben Elton, Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor, Dave Allen etc. People relayed them to share the humour, to have a common ground, a point of reference, or just to give the lads a good laugh in the vault on a Saturday night. Nowadays it appears to be about separatism, ownership, a competitive need to be the first to get the text joke out to all your mates. Humour has become competitive. Stand ups like Gary Delaney are accused of stealing from websites; he is counter-accusing website users of stealing his material. Did a joke originate with Tim Vine? Or was it one of Tommy Cooper’s? Does it really matter? We’ve reluctantly put the ‘fun’ in dysfunctional – it’s only a small observation of society’s changing ways, but it definitely highlights the way technology has increased paranoia & selfishness in the 21st century. As the baby goat said to me, “I kid, you not”.

 

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Comedy Podcast from Hospital Radio DJ DJBnB

COMEDY PODCAST FROM HOSPITAL RADIO DISC JOCKY DJBNB
Edit This | Categories: Comedy Video

Hospital Radio Comedy Podcast

I his first hospital radio comedy podcast Hospital Radio DJ DJBnB deals with the gritty reality that is the front line of hospital radio broadcasting and tries to squeeze a laugh out of it’s drying bones..

After nearly a year serving his time DJ finally gets a break and has been allowed to do a podcast…well theres no one actually watching cos they haven’t set up the tvs in the wards to recieve the signal yet …but that doesnt stop DJ going full on with his dream to break into television…. instaead of television shops.

Hospital radio is really hotting up and getting down with the dub beat in the portly form of DJBNB His subtle handling of the delicate emotional minefield that he walks everyday (and that’s just in his own head) He tries to bring a little bit of sunshine into the misery that is a modern national health hospital experience.

DJ is the younger brother of hitmaster Snood P Whipper Salford’s answer to Snoop doggy doggy pooh pooh

and he brings his brothers cutting edge voice on the air with him. Check out mp3 styler DJBnB below.

 

DJBNB IS JUST ONE OF THE CHARACTERS LIVING IN THE HEAD OF MANCHESTER COMEDIAN BURY BOB …CHECK OUT HIS WEBSITE AND JOIN HIS FANCLUB BY FILLING IN THE ”SEND ME A BOOK” SIGN IN BOX ON THE RIGHT.

 

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Whose mind is it anyway? The realarticle

Once  upon a time I went on a journey to a place far, far away……… Further than any of my friends and family had ever been, in fact further than anyone had been, ever.

Further than rockets, space craft, satellites and deep space probes.
Beyond the range modern interstellar telescopes.
Beyond even the imagination of George Lucas, Arthur C. Clarke & H.G. Wells.
Surpassing even the reverential limits of God’s boundaries.
It was a terrifying place.

Pursued by demons that had an almost psychic knowledge of my every movement, before even I had decided on a plan of action,I found myself where I thought would be the only safe haven from earthly emotional pain i.e Outside the Universe.

It seemed as good a place as any to gather my fragmented thoughts.
Unbound by the shackles of scientific possibility and powered by the sincerity of psychotic insanity, it wasn’t difficult to get there, and traffic was extremely light.

It’s always the return journey that’s beset with problems.
Without any physical luggage to lose, I felt the extra burden of emotional baggage weighing much too heavily on my mind. As I floated in the hinterland between post-universe and the psychiatrists synthetic cocktail of compliance, a question burst into my mind, like a child into a parents bedroom on Xmas morning.

‘Who’s mind is it anyway?’

I’d been using (well abusing) that mind all my life and had, like everyone else, assumed ownership. (Obviously some people went a stage further and began assuming ownership of land, resources and other humans) but that’s another sad, ongoing tale.

Eventually it came to pass that my marbles had been misplaced. I wasn’t part of the mechanism of society, that runs so smoothly to enable fairness and equality for…well not all… well not even most.

OK I was a mental case! I still am and have come to the conclusion that the combination on my particular case is irreversibly broken.

Fast forward many moons, a myriad of psychiatrists, a million counsellors, a billion brainstorms and a mountain of medication and I’m cured!

Well almost…well, nearly…. well some days, for a short while.

In the words of the song “I am what I am!” but with the dubious bonus of being also partly what I am not. Confused yet? Imagine how it must be seeing it from the inside!

Anyway, you encounter places, ideas and people in your life and travels, which have far reaching long lasting effects. Sometimes they sneak in gently and quietly like a child returning to bed after hiding behind the curtain on Santa watch. Other times they flap wildly in your face and shout the roof off for your attention. Generally we focus too much on the noise and chaos, so we miss the subtle undertones shaping our destiny in the background.
So now when I look around to find a catalogue of ;writing, comedy, performances, videos, a website and a growing stock of diverse and interesting music, I am very proud, I give myself a gentle, cautious pat on the back while wondering how the hell it all happened.

More and more people are suffering mental illness, trauma and depression caused by the stress of modern life and our collective inability to adapt quickly to the sweeping changes taking place in technology, economy, ecology and humanity.

Mental pain is still a taboo subject, slowly being dragged reluctantly from the darkness, mainly by celebrities with a recovery book or a new range of empirical clothing to sell.
We have indeed advanced from the dark ages of hiding the lunatics in asylums designed to maximize isolation and instill the fear of madness into the masses.

We still think that passing high doses of electrical charge through a vulnerable brain is ethical. I have enough anecdotal evidence to strongly suggest that it is not in any way a cure and firmly believe it belongs in the realms of torture and cruelty toward those already tortured souls who we still fail to understand.

I write these thoughts as an addendum to the lyrics in my ‘requiem’ to the schizoid brain that I have harboured in my, sometimes unwilling head, all my life.

I’m sure it will strike a chord with many sufferers of similar debilitating psychoses, but also hope it can paint a clearer picture for those who are fortunately blessed with a healthy mind. Maybe they will garner a little more understanding of this complex yet frightening illness.
A philosopher type once opined;

“The mind is like an umbrella. It works best when fully open”.

If yours hasn’t been blown inside out during a previous storm, please enjoy my offering from a dry sheltered place.

To anyone who would like to discuss this subject further, please feel free to mail me at infoburybob@gmail.com or visit burybob.com